Every Episode of The X- Files, Ranked From Worst to Best. Photo- Illustration: Maya Robinson and Photo by 2. Century Fox Film/Everett Collection. Now that the return of The X- Files is upon us, it’s the perfect time to revisit all nine seasons and 2. Fox Mulder and Dana Scully (and Walter Skinner and John Doggett and, yes, Monica Reyes). In the ’9. 0s, there was no better place to get a dose of conspiracy paranoia and nutty sci- fi, not to mention butterflies in your stomach watching David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson’s tension build. At its heart, the series was about confronting the darkness within ourselves — you know, the crippling doubt of the unknown, the fear of what’s to come.
The AXS Cookie Policy. This website, like most others, uses cookies in order to give you a great online experience. By continuing to use our website you accept to our. The last time we saw the spectacularly armored Captain Phasma, she was about to be shoved into a trash compacter at the end of The Force Awakens. To link to this poem, put the URL below into your page: <a href="http:// of Myself by Walt Whitman</a> Plain for Star Wars: Episode IV A New Hope, originally released as Star Wars, is a 1977 science fantasy. ![]() It just used aliens and monsters to explore that in a way that decades later, still resonates with viewers. As a refresher course for the series we all fell in love with, and then slowly fell out of love with in later seasons, only to love once again once nostalgia kicked in, I’ve ranked every episode. These rankings are based on numerous factors: enjoyability, chemistry of the leads, scariness of the monsters, and effectives of the jokes, to name a just few things (obviously technical factors are at play too). There are a lot of episodes of this show, so try your best to wade through through the downright awful ones (or just skip them, where I’ve suggested). That said, it’s best to be forewarned that while the post- Mulder episodes of the series aren’t spectacular pieces of television, I find season eight incredibly underrated (and miles better than season seven, where David Duchovny seems as bored as all of us were at that point), and I actually like not only John Doggett, but Monica Reyes, too. Please don’t stop reading. Since every episode is available on Netflix, Hulu, and Amazon, you, too, can revisit the series and decide for yourself. ![]() The rebooted X- Files premieres as a six- part mini- series starting January 2. Fox.* There were 2. The X- Files, but for the purposes of this list, I considered two- part episodes a single entry. This equals 1. 82 entries. Every episode feels like one meta joke after the other, until it all collapses on itself in one of the worst hours of television you’ll ever experience. Kathy Griffin’s attempt to pull off the role of two twins (the product of a sperm- bank donor to two different women) is probably the scariest thing to ever appear on The X- Files. Unfortunately, their second episode is a goddamn mess. Mulder and Scully go into a virtual- reality world, and it’s just as late- ’9. It’s like a bad episode of Freakylinks. Actually, that’d probably just be a regular episode of Freakylinks. When it first aired, I resented killing off the Lone Gunmen as some sort of misguided “screw you” to Fox for canceling the spinoff series. Upon rewatch, I actually find the episode pretty amusing and watchable for a random episode of The Lone Gunmen. Except this isn’t that show. It’s The X- Files, and to kill off three important characters like that on a show where none of the main characters ever die means it should be a big fucking deal. And an episode about shark cartilage and a lame “let’s kill ourselves to save a conference room full of people” episode is beyond rude. Also, you’ve got David Duchovny back for the series finale in four episodes — you don’t get to kill off the Lone Gunmen in an episode without Mulder. I repeat, this is an episode about KILLER TREES. It’s also boring, cheaply made, invokes the Challenger disaster, and is reportedly Chris Carter’s least- favorite episode. Aside from Ginger Snaps and An American Werewolf in London, most attempts are as depressing as this episode. It’s a beautiful, heartfelt episode of television, where the emotional punch feels real. However, this two- part episode’s supposed wrap- up to the disappearance of Mulder’s sister forgoes aliens and government conspiracies to say that she became Rainbow Brite or whatever. It’s an incredibly disappointing conclusion to a seven- year story that was once engrossing. You’re better off reading about the Jersey Devil myth on Wikipedia. It somehow manages to be more exploitative than an average episode of Law and Order: Special Victims Unit. There’s nothing redeeming in it, save for the fact that it’s just bad, not offensive, like some of the worse X- Files outings. Season four is a really fantastic season of television; it’s a wonder how a clunker like this got through. It’s best not to think about it. This episode feels stitched together from a bunch of far superior X- Files episodes, and when it concludes with the innocent man’s death, it’s kind of mean and unsatisfying rather than heartbreaking as it was probably intended to be. Plus, Doggett dealing with a partner who’s corrupt should have made for a much better episode than this. This is the other episode written by the iconic cyberpunk duo that also wrote the equally awful “First Person Shooter” (Gibson and Maddox). Never seen that one before. Fortunately, that other vampire episode, “Bad Blood,” is one of The X- Files’ best. But we’ll get to that soon enough. It’s completely embarrassing and nonsensical, but it also manages to be a pretty entertaining hour of television. It’s far from good, and the ending, where Scully is horrified that she had to shoot a child (the genie in disguise), doesn’t feel earned — but it’s not boring, which is one of the worst crimes an X- Files episode can commit. If you thought Seinfeld ending with its characters on trial and in jail was bad, you haven’t seen this episode, where Mulder is put on trial for the murder of a Super Soldier. Which is, in fact, a farce, because obviously Super Soldiers don’t die. So instead of answering questions about nine seasons of conspiracy — let alone doing something interesting with David Duchovny’s sole appearance in the season nine — the show basically recaps every mythology episode but pretends they made a lick of sense. Kersh helping Mulder in the end makes even less sense, despite the fact that he was maybe on Mulder’s side for a brief moment at the beginning of the season. The series ends with the FBI on the hunt for Mulder and Scully while they lie in a motel bed, reminiscing about their past. He doesn’t even ask about the son of theirs she gave up for adoption. This is misery business and a horrible conclusion to one of television’s greatest series. While it has some gruesome moments and an awesome sequence where Doggett gets vomited on long enough for it to be a gag on Family Guy, the plot about a demonic possession is boring and drawn out. Doggett is a madman barking at his superiors like Mulder on Adderall. Reyes is saddled with a dumb sexual harassment plot with Cary Elwes. Oh, and Lucy Lawless shows up as a Super Soldier who’s mostly naked half the time, and drowning people the other half (what a weird way to kill people you can crush with your bare hands). Everyone’s allegiances shift so many times in this episode, you’ll get a migraine trying to figure out which side Kersh is actually on, or how Doggett manages to keep his job after continuing to ignore orders. We’re supposed to care about all of these people retconned into Mulder’s life, including an archnemesis. The only truly great thing about this episode is the ending, where the monster of the week sends Mulder a message on his cell phone that reads: “All done. It’s merely forgettable. The X- Files had a tendency to mine foreign cultures a little too much, and in ways that feel othering. At least Lucy Liu guest- stars in this episode, which gives it a few bright spots. But this time, we’re supposed to imagine his sister is the real villain, despite the fact that we saw Modell murder a bunch of people in his first appearance. Just watch “Pusher” and forget about this one. This one forgoes the Super Soldiers nonsense for a cult that wants to kill Scully’s baby, or Mulder, or both. Ultimately, they kidnap William and use him to turn on a spaceship so they can leave Earth. If you’re wondering why that needed to be two hours, it’s because 8. FBI lying to Scully, Doggett, and Reyes for no discernible reason other than the fact that everyone’s supposed to be “in on the “conspiracy, whatever the hell the conspiracy is at this point in the series, with only ten episodes left. Sadly, we learn that Stephen King is much better at writing books than he is at writing television. The X- Files doesn’t really do well with introducing backstory in these early episodes. It’s not as offensive as it sounds, but it’s certainly not great either. Mostly Jeffrey Spender finds out he’s Cigarette Smoking Man’s son (and possibly Mulder’s half- brother), then he gets shot in the head. As far as the mythology of the series, the Alien Rebels kill the entire Syndicate, so you’d think the government conspiracy is over, and we don’t have to worry about alien colonization anymore. The mythology manages to somehow drag on for three more seasons. Otherwise, the plot — about a teen who can control insects only to realize that he’s half- insect just like his mom — is a lame one that relies on kids who mostly can’t act, carrying out a ludicrous story built around a Jackass parody. The attempt to flesh out the man’s story and actually give it weight pretty much falls flat, and so this episode is kind of dull as a result. Granted, the series mostly lives and dies on the chemistry between the leads and the creepiness of the monster of the week, but if you’re taking on a “smoking kills” storyline, have something new to say. That’s why an episode like “Home” succeeds, where an episode like “Chimera” falls flat. The show never really found much to say about the suburbs, save for season six’s “Arcadia.” Also, the running joke where Scully is stuck on a stakeout isn’t as funny or interesting as the show thinks it is. It’s kind of a shame that black actors like Todd, Joe Morten (from “Redrum”), and Steven Williams (X) would play such amazing side characters on the series and never occupy lead roles. Miserably, the episode drags. Song of Myself. Won't you help support Day. Poems? 1. 81. 9- 1. I celebrate myself, and sing myself. And what I assume you shall assume. For every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you. I do not know what it is any more than he. I do not laugh at your oaths nor jeer you; ). The President holding a cabinet council is surrounded by the great. On the piazza walk three matrons stately and friendly with twined arms. The crew of the fish- smack pack repeated layers of halibut in the hold. The Missourian crosses the plains toting his wares and his cattle. As the fare- collector goes through the train he gives notice by the. The floor- men are laying the floor, the tinners are tinning the. In single file each shouldering his hod pass onward the laborers. Seasons pursuing each other the indescribable crowd is gather'd, it. Seventh- month, (what salutes of cannon and small arms!). Seasons pursuing each other the plougher ploughs, the mower mows. Off on the lakes the pike- fisher watches and waits by the hole in. The stumps stand thick round the clearing, the squatter strikes deep. Flatboatmen make fast towards dusk near the cotton- wood or pecan- trees. Coon- seekers go through the regions of the Red river or through. Tennessee, or through those of the Arkansas. Torches shine in the dark that hangs on the Chattahooche or Altamahaw. Patriarchs sit at supper with sons and grandsons and great- grandsons. In walls of adobie, in canvas tents, rest hunters and trappers after. The city sleeps and the country sleeps. The living sleep for their time, the dead sleep for their time. The old husband sleeps by his wife and the young husband sleeps by his wife. And these tend inward to me, and I tend outward to them. And such as it is to be of these more or less I am. And of these one and all I weave the song of myself. I resign myself to you also- -I guess what you mean. I behold from the beach your crooked fingers. I believe you refuse to go back without feeling of me. We must have a turn together, I undress, hurry me out of sight of the land. Cushion me soft, rock me in billowy drowse. Dash me with amorous wet, I can repay you. I will accept nothing which all cannot have their. Iowa, Oregon, California? O welcome, ineffable grace of dying days! I plead for my brothers and sisters. Comment on Day. Poems? If you are like us, you have strong feelings about poetry, and about each poem you read. Comment on this poem, any poem, Day. Poems, other poetry places or the art of poetry at Day. Poems Feedback. Won't you help support Day. Poems? Click here to learn more about how you can keep Day. Poems on the Web . All rights reserved. The authors of poetry and other material appearing on Day. Poems retain full rights to their work. Any requests for publication in other venues must be negotiated separately with the authors. The editor of Day. Poems will gladly assist in putting interested parties in contact with the authors. Author profiles (Ole Joe's Guide)a. He makes stories of extra- marital sex, as. Lee (8k). Confessions Of A 1. Year Old Nymphomaniac (2. Confidential (2. 0k). Dinner At Sue's (2. Edna And The Old Chinaman (2. Emma Lou Steps Out (4. Experiments In Bondage - The Making Of A Pervert (2. Filipino Maid And The 1. Yo (2. 1k). I Share My Woman With My Brother (5. In 1. 97. 7 I Was 1. In The Hold Of Swingers (2. Is Windsurfing Better Than Sex? Adrian's. A Test of Patience. Willow Street Sevenadrian hunterhas been called the Dulcinea of the bondage community. That was by Lady Cyrrh, if anybody is taking notes. If you don't know Dulcinea, jump right below and find out about her. Adrian Hunter has been a long time contributor to the newsgroups, and he is still posting to ASSM, e. His stories are available at his website, as it is quickly becoming the norm, it seems. Go to www. adrianhunter. Chelsea Shepard. Association *** Franz. Kafka favourite!!! Those that survive find themselves in a greatly changed world filled with different morals and the same old urges. A Random Act of Violence (3. A Strange Encounter (2. RP. An April Night *assm- 2. Aunt Jessica (4. 0k). Becky *assm- 1. 99. RP. Beyond New Year's Day (3. RP. Blood Pressure Check (2. RP. By the Dawn's Early Light (3. Destiny (3. 7k) RP. Doing It All Over (1. CEL- 3. 40: 9. 5- 1. Flirting with Death (3. Cel- 3. 59, RP. God's Great Plan (3. RP. CEL- 3. 20: 7- 7- 7, Annex 3/5/9. A+. Going to Disneyland 8. K CEL- 3. 59: 1. 0- 1. ASSM. part 3 posted to ASS only, complete. Going to the Shrink (3. RP. Hypocrisy (4. I Remember Pearl Harbor (6. It Happened One Night (4. RP. Laura's Story (3. CEL- 3. 51: 1. 0- 9. Light Duty (5. 7k) 4. Lizzie. CEL- 3. 34: 1. Nervepath (7. 8k). New Year's Eve (3. Night Flight (3. 2k) RP. Pretend (4. 9k) CEL- 3. RP. Random Act of Violence (3. Rough Revenge 1 (5. Stacey (7. 1k) 4. Strange Encounter (2. The Blood Pressure Check (2. The End of the Dryspell (1. The Garden (1. 8k). The Missing Mail (1. The Mommies (3. 0k) Billy. G: CEL- 3. 26: 1. The Shaver (4. 0k). The Shaver II (3. The Teaser (4. 1k) CEL- 3. Theresa the Elder (3. Nick: CEL- 3. 29: 1. We Saw Fireworks (5. Zero- G CEL- 3. 25: 9- 1. His only contribution to ASS* was the sadly unfinished . It's quite a poignant, tenderly sweet and extremely sensuous tale; one that arouses you, brings you to the brink of tears, makes you smile, laugh, hate .. I hope that someday Alan will finish it. She started writing erotica in mid 2. Her stories contain especially FF or FFF+F, rom, exhib, 1st time ff, D/s, Fem. Dom. F, bdsm. Most of her stories are rom- . An Openly Transgressed Custom. Betsy's Finest Hour CRIM- 1: . ALLENE2. 13. 35 is known as a writer of spanking. Most of them can by found on the. I don't. know exactly how many stories she wrote, but at. Mr. Double's site are some more). Obviously Allene in. In her own words. K. Birthday Surprise 1. K. Bitch Mother 5. K. Black Experience 5. K. Caned by Sir Richard. Horse Punishment 8. K. Indian Whipping 1. K. Kings and Queens 2. K. Marcie's Birthday 1. K. My Brother's Slave 6. K. My Mean Boss 1. K. Slave's Revenge 6. K. Slut Reform 9. K. Sons Get Even 9. K. Spring Break 5. K. The Bush Law 9. K. The Compleat Serial Killer 1. K. The Gymnast 4. K. The In- Laws 1. K. The Kidnapped 5. K. The Stepchild 8. K. Visit from Marge and George 3. K. White victim 1. Kamity harris(Femdom). Debbie's Gift 7. 84k. Executive Pleasures 5. Fall Festival 8. 3k. Power Shopping 5. The Auction 4. 3k. The Manager 3. 4k. The Trade Show 5. Training A Virgin 1- 2 MID (3. MID (3. 3fba. 36b. TG). A Grey Skirt 2. An Unusual Psychological Problem 9. Living in a House Full of Girls 3. My Days Being Forced 4. The New Secretary 3. Visiting Aunt Sue 2. We Met in a Nice Bar 2. His stories tend to be long, full of. They also tend to diverge into deviant. To give. you an idea as to just how much the author has written, file sizes are. Ole Joe had the complete story. The content of her stories. In 2. 00. 3 came out the sequel to . CEL- 3. 70: 8. 5- 1. Cape and Cowl *Cel- 1. Celluloid Dreams. Centerfold CEL- 3. Change Of Life (8. Cheating Heart. CEL- 5. B- Annex Review 8- 2. Chocolate Candy CEL- 2. Clark And Diana. Community Service (4. Creative Interlude 1. Cel- 1. 11. Crossing the Line #1. Celeste's Top 1. 00 of 1. Cel- 1. 02. Dear Prudence CEL- 3. Ann. Claus's Cookies (6. One For All.. CEL- 3. One Moment in Time CEL- 2. One Night Beyond Antaries. One Night In San Francisco. Pandora's Box (6. Payback CEL- 3. 55: 9- 1. Prom Date CEL- 2. Queen Of The Road. Robin And The Catwoman CEL- 2. Robin on Patrol. Sandy 9. Cel- 1. 36. Sarah and Sister Theresa 9. Cel- 1. 07. Scarlett's Cove #6 on Celeste's Top 1. Cel- 1. 37. Sisters In Army Green (3. Snowbound CEL- 2. Celeste's Top 1. 00 of 9. Special Delivery *Cel- 1. Star CEL- 2. 11: 9- 9- 9. Summer Vacation CEL- 2. Tender Loving Care CEL- 2. The Adventures Of Lois Lane. The Adventures Of Ultra Woman And Mega Girl. The Arrangement Billy. G: CEL- 3. 53: 9. The Babysitter 9. Cel- 9. 6. The Ballad of Wrangler Jane 9- 9- 9 *Cel- 1. The Classified Ad. CEL- 2. 6: 1. 0 ; %assm- 1. The Cleaning Lady. The Erotic Adventures Of Robin Hood CEL- 3. The Erotic Adventures Of Supergirl. Cel- 1. 08. The Good Samaritan CEL- 3. The Girls of Delta Theta Phi 9- 1. Cel- 1. 35. The Interview 1. Cel- 9. 8. The Morning After Todd: CEL- 3. The One With More Than A Kiss - A Friends Story. The Other Side Of The Coin. The Price CEL- 3. The Prize 1. 0- 1. Cel- 1. 31. The Professor CEL- 2. The Road Not Taken 9. CEL- 1. 44: 1. 0. The Sisterhood Of Mutants. The Speeding Ticket. The Teacher's Conference. The Tutor CEL- 2. The Tutoring Session. Through The Looking Glass Darkly. True To Life II. Violet Rose#6. Celeste's Top 1. 00 of 1. CEL- 6: 1. 0. Wesley and Deanna. Wilma and Betty (Flintstones) CEL- 1. When Barry Met Sally. Yesterday Once More. You've Got Mailanne. Year- Olds. A Change in Her. Teacher *Cel- 1. 92: 1. A rating Annex Review 6- 1. Will She? anna t. ASSM only. Chicago Transit (1. Golden Clit Best Short Story by a New Author (2. Anon. 74. 7 nowadays a. Ole Joe wrote: We first met in an adversarial manner, but have managed to become civil at least. I like Anne as a person, as much as one can know from e- mail, and love her stories. If you must characterise, call her strongly opinionated, often adversarial, a rare poster, but a guest- reviewing, web- site owner. Also, please be advised that Anne takes a dim view of people posting her stories or using them on archival or commercial sites. Her stories can be found at her site, as PDF- files only. With precision and passion Anne Arbor's stories plunge us into the intimate centres of characters coming to terms with themselves and their relationships, and the deft mix of plots and passion and people catches us up, squeezes us in ways both exciting and troubling. Everywhere are undercurrents of tension, promises of exquisite release. Her stories are like sex. Read them all at Anne Arbor's web site - - Mat Twassel. A View of Alcatraz Bear: CEL- 2. El Ni. I want my stories to feel real but none are real. No Sci. Fi, no mind control, no MM scenes, no BDSM. A Blast from the Past (2. A Friendly Fuck (1. A Halloween Trick (1. A Passion for Chocolate (8k) . I did not want to put them. I am sure that Ole Joe in the old. I. will fix that. Cari . They are all non- consensual. BM/WF) stories with a dominance- submission theme. The Board of Education. Juvenile Justice. Nightmare Before Bedtime. Teacher's Petasulykit. Joanie and Marie. My Lovely Roommateaverti(Bondage). A Memory MID (2. 13. Z0. 10. 91. 99. 3@anon. Anita and Me MID (2. Z1. 20. 81. 99. 3@anon. Cesura's Story (How I Bound Me A+ rating Annex Reviews 4/1. Closet and MID (3. Slurped a Vampire) @news. The Return of Cesura MID (3. EE. 3. 0DE@znet. com). Eloise Gets to the Bottom of Things MID (2. Gilmore Mandala Chrysler Gushola MID (0. Z1. 11. 21. 99. 3@anon. Helen MID (1. 90. Z1. 70. 91. 99. 3. In the Pain Garden MID (1. Shaved Splash MID (1. Apr. 23. 2. 32. 81. The Taming of Eloise MID (3. Topping Joker Message- ID: (1. Apr. 21. 2. 01. 11. Celeste's top twenty lists and deserved so. These works are Hot with a capital H. Backrub writes stories about group sex and makes it believable – desirable really. Several stories are no longer available in the public archives. Filenames below are from Bitbard's Backrub archive. If you have one of the other, lost stories, please send a copy to backrub@bitbard. Across the Catty Corner #4 on Celeste's Top 1. CEL- 9: 1. 0, across. All Aboard CEL- 1. Amy's Story amy. html. Annie After Hours. Backrub, Assrub, Clitrub, Cockrub 0- 9- 1. CR (with Tammy Ng). Hot on the Trail: Who in the World is Celeste. CEL- 5. 9: 1. 0, hot. Lunch Hour. CEL- 3. Meeting Amanda #5. Celeste's Top 1. 00 of 1. Cel- 1. 30, amanda. Morning Orgasms: Spoons CEL- 2. Once You're Rubbed by Amy #8. Celeste's Top 1. 00 of 1. Cel- 1. 95: 1. 0- 1. Showing Off Again showing. Showoffs #3. 3 on Celeste's Top 1. Skin on Skin on Skin 1. Cel- 1. 16, skin. Steven After Hours #6. Celeste's Top 1. 00 of 1. CEL- 2. 6: 1. 0, steven. Tammy in Trouble CEL- 6. The Study Cubicle CEL- 3: 1. Wet Dreams #4. 3 on Celeste's Top 1. Cel- 1. 30, wet. html. Xena: Calisto's Escape 9- 8- 8 *Cel- 8. Dear Hustler. Lust Filled Nite. My Boyfriend's Brother. My First Black Experience. Tyler CEL- 2. 68: 9- 6- 5baddogxxx. A New Car for Ginny. Balinda's Supper. Black in Love Again. MID (1. 99. 71. 22. HAA1. 16. 52@ladder. MID (1. 99. 71. 22. HAA0. 93. 99@ladder. MID (1. 99. 71. 22. HAA1. 16. 80@ladder. MID (1. 99. 71. 22. HAA0. 94. 39@ladder. MID (1. 99. 71. 22. HAA1. 17. 30@ladder. MID (1. 99. 71. 22. HAA0. 94. 83@ladder. MID (1. 99. 71. 22. HAA1. 17. 59@ladder. MID (1. 99. 71. 22. HAA0. 95. 38@ladder. MID (1. 99. 71. 22. HAA1. 18. 19@ladder. MID (1. 99. 71. 22. HAA0. 95. 75@ladder. MID (1. 99. 71. 22. HAA1. 18. 58@ladder. MID (1. 99. 71. 22. HAA0. 96. 12@ladder. MID (1. 99. 71. 22. HAA1. 19. 05@ladder. MID (1. 99. 71. 02. WAA1. 38. 69@ladder. MID (1. 99. 71. 02. WAA1. 39. 58@ladder. MID (1. 99. 71. 02. WAA1. 46. 31@ladder. Charle's Black Tool MID (1. EAA2. 04. 55@ladder. Interracial Church Fuck MID (1. AAA0. 23. 63@ladder. Jake's Big Surprise. My Husband's Black Friend. MID (1. 99. 71. 02. EAA2. 04. 07@ladder. MID (1. 99. 71. 02.
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